When I wake up tomorrow, that's how far away my husband will be. After a short, but absolutely wonderful visit, my husband had to go back to the Netherlands today. I can't tell you the intensity of the emotions that came with that, saying good-bye yet again to my best friend and soulmate, not being able to board the plane to go home, and still waiting for my new passport to process, hoping for the best. I should be able to go home in 3-4 weeks, no sooner than Feb. 6th. My husband will have to acquire the illusive 1 year contract before or while I'm visiting, or else after 3 months I'll be forced to go back to America and wait another 3 before getting another chance to go home. The process will continue as long as there's no contract-- Dutch law, with my situation now. It's a pretty helpless and terrifying feeling. I hope you'll all continue to pray with me that when I leave in Feb, that I'll be going home to stay. My husband's boss informed him of what he'd need to do to acquire the contract. It's very doable as long as the other companies/advertisers work with my husband-- I hope with every fiber of my being that they do! If they do, I can stay for a minimum of 1 year. If we have no social assistance during that year, I can stay for 5. After 3, I can apply for formal citizenship (be able to speak Dutch, etc). Once accepted, I'll get a Dutch passport, and then I'll be home for good (en mijn Nederlands is goed hoor!).

So now that my beloved is gone, I'm giving myself an evening to rest, at least until I know he's back home safe (those of you who have found your significant mate will understand the natural stress and worry that comes with long-distance partings). I have a work assignment waiting for me tomorrow, then once that's finished if there's not an immediate other, I'll be immediately resuming commissions. I think you can all understand why I chose not to work while he was here and instead soak up every moment with him that I could. When you marry you best friend, someone you adore so beyond words you call them your "everything" and even that falls startlingly short, you can't get enough of them. I never get tired of my husband's company, and especially not when it's so long from when we see each other. Isn't it positively medieval that we can be married and yet under modern law and circumstances, despite pulling our own weight, forbidden from being together? But I digress. I'll be finishing as many commissions as I can before going home in Feb, where hopefully I won't have any problems with customs (you can imagine the horrific trauma that comes from seeing those officials again after being so horribly mistreated in Belgium).

By now I have completely lost my train of thought. I can't even remember what I was going to say, because I've found my mind has wandered off after my heart, which is flying so far away from me. It's a very sad and empty feeling. I pray my husband has a safe flight, and as I do every night, that in Feb I'll go home to stay in the Netherlands, my home, with my husband.

Before I go back home, there's one special artwork I plan on doing-- a gift, if you will. My Aunt and Uncle have been kind enough to take me in, pay for my food and take care of me without asking for anything in return, only that I clean up after myself, help where I can and be respectful (really no issue with them). I have no way to repay them, certainly not monetarilly, so I plan on doing a sort of artwork or painting of their Maine Coon, Gustov, whom they positively adore and who's definitely grown on me, though admittedly that didn't take much considering he's a cat. It's my way of saying thank you in as pure and simple and heartfelt of a way as I can possibly think of. Chances are you'll probably see this artwork in mid-Feb.

In the meantime, life goes on, and I do everything I can to remain positive. Those of you who have been supporting and praying for us, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Words can't describe how much that means to me, and words can't describe how badly, how purely I long to be home to stay again.