deviant art

Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
more ▶

Featured in Groups:

Details

December 1, 2011
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 9
Favourites: 0
Views: 232 (0 today)
[x]

Homesick

Journal Entry: Thu Dec 1, 2011, 12:30 AM
  • Mood: Homesick


Hey everyone, I hope all is well with all of you. Once again, life has not gone in my favor. Complications have arisen, and after having arrived in San Diego today I'll be turning right back around and heading back to the Bay Area about 3 weeks earlier than expected. When I called to inform my previous hosts of the changes, I accidentally woke both of them up, so I am feeling terribly guilty at the moment. :( It's not that things are bad here at all, it's that there's so many PTSD triggers that I find myself dangerously depressed and in unspeakable emotional pain. I wasted money on my plane ticket for December and have to buy a new one (non-refundable), and it makes me cry for many reasons (including that I spent all my money on the first tickets after the first round of bad news), but the golden question is how much does self-preservation cost? :'(

So I'm not doing too well. It seems things are just going worse and worse for me. It's so hard to keep going when you have no money to get you there, no place to call home, are relying on the mercy of other people, and are separated from everything you love. I miss my husband so terribly, all I want is to go home... At least I got my replacement tablet pen, and it works, so I'll try to resume commissions sometime this week or so. I'll try at least, I'll do my very best. I'm so desperate for good things...





:thumb158266413::thumb158266573::thumb158266611:

:star-empty:= thinking/sketching, :star-half:= linework completed, :star:= coloring






:bulletgreen::bulletpurple::bulletgreen:Artwork Status:bulletgreen::bulletpurple::bulletgreen:

*SerenFey Commission Trades :star-empty::lock::lock:
~Ideya-Freak Commission :star-empty:
=Rolytic Commissions :lock::lock:
~Cr0atoan Commission :star-empty:
*Ryuu-Atrineas Commissions :star-empty::star-empty:
*Luifex Commission :star-half:





Feature:





Original journal layout by `ginkgografix
Add a Comment:
 
:iconluigirules64:
~luigirules64 Dec 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Keep strong Tawny, we're all rooting for you and your husband to be together again. Well, it is sort of a positive that you got your replacement tablet pen! ^^ Now you can draw out your feelings if you wanted to, a great stress reliever, and get the commissions off your back so you can relax and enjoy your own time. I've been following your situation closely, and I can't believe what happened to you. If it wasn't so far away, I'd willingly house you for a little bit! <3
Reply
:iconrustedsoda:
~rustedsoda Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I take it certain infamous events left you with this PTSD, if it involves travel. Still, PTSD is one thing. Just one thing. Even if only slightly less than real, it isn't real (what it makes you fear, not the disorder itself.) You can't let it take over your life.
Reply
:iconniraven:
*Niraven Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not sure you understand. Because of the type and severity (doesn't involve travel), there are certain things that I need to keep away from in order to heal (you know, take your time). My severity had been compared with soldiers coming back from war. I don't let it take over my life, but I'd be a fool to subject myself at such a vulnerable state to it when I could be somewhere else, in an environment where I could rest and heal vs. being subjected to the stimulus on a constant basis when I have no resources for therapy here at the moment. It's not running from it, it's being respectful of my current needs, and goodness knows I don't need more stress right now. I hope that makes sense, it's not exactly something I like to talk about. :(
Reply
:iconrustedsoda:
~rustedsoda Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
That's actually kind of my point.
Reply
:iconwebmegami:
~Webmegami Dec 1, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Courage *mega hug* I know this is very hard and you haven't got an happy time at all recently for many reasons : ( It's normal to feel depressed. I've known the same kind of things, I guess that this year really sucks for everyone. Everything should get better little by little, especially with the new year coming. Stay strong is all what I can say and do for now, but our thoughts are with you and I hope you'll feel better soon.

Maybe if you can you should go to some beauty parlor or something of this kind where everyone will take care of you, make some massages or things like this. I'm sure that it will help, you feel revived when you go out of these. ^^ Don't force yourself, don't run in all directions and just take time for you, only making very little simple things for a little time. Sometimes it helps to make the point on the current situation and get a new start then.

I really hope that these little words will be able to help you *hug*
Reply
:iconbloodrose83:
~bloodrose83 Dec 1, 2011  Professional Writer
Stay strong, Tawny. :hug:
Reply
:iconcr0atoan:
~Cr0atoan Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Reading scriptures always helps me get through the rough times:

Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."
Reply
:iconcelestialien86:
~Celestialien86 Dec 1, 2011  Student Digital Artist
That sucks big time. I hope things goes well for you soon. :hug: I did mentioned that there's a concert of The Legend of Zelda being held in Dallas, Texas in 2012.
Reply
:iconthe-first-magelord:
*The-First-Magelord Dec 1, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Keep Strong, in the end it is all you can do! :hug:
Reply
Add a Comment: